


say you love me

by superhoney



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel in the Bunker, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy September 18th, M/M, Post-Season/Series 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 19:56:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8070643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superhoney/pseuds/superhoney
Summary: "The thing is, they’ve had this conversation before."Or, how Dean and Castiel finally work their way up to something that has been building between them for years. Post 11.23, some mild S12 speculation.





	

The thing is, they’ve had this conversation before.

Every time Dean said _I need you_. Every time Cas said _I could go with you_. 

Every time they said each other’s names. 

It’s always been there, almost since the very beginning. And Dean’s been thinking about that beginning a lot lately. About Castiel walking into a barn in a shower of sparks. About fear that quickly turned to admiration, about duty that quickly turned to choice. About all the little things that have led them to this moment, or steered them close to it and then faded away as one or both of them ruined it for the thousandth time. 

Dean’s not going to let that happen this time. 

His mom is in the kitchen with Sam, making him soup. Dean checks in on them briefly, steals a spoonful, dodges her playful swat with the spoon. Ruffles Sam’s hair just to be obnoxious, but also to remind himself that Sam’s back and he’s (mostly) okay. He looks at the two of them and the ever-present heaviness around his heart lightens just a bit. 

Sam has someone else to look after him now. Dean will never stop doing it, of course, he’ll always worry about his not-so-little brother. But it’s good to remember that he can want things for himself without feeling guilty about it. To remember that he’s allowed to want them, and that Sam will be okay if he leaves him alone for a few hours. 

Sam has Mom to take care of him right now, and besides, he’s not the only one hurting.

Dean finds Castiel in the library, of course. He has his own room now, has had one ever since Dean brought his mom home and found Castiel in the bunker by himself, with Mary pointing a gun at him. Things have eased between them since then, and the bunker feels like more of a home than ever. But Castiel still loves the library the most out of all the rooms in the bunker, and so Dean isn’t surprised to see him there, sitting quietly at the table, his trenchcoat hanging over the back of his chair.

He looks smaller without it. Softer, more human. It makes Dean’s heart ache. 

“Hey,” he says quietly, not wanting to startle him. “You doing okay?” He knows the answer to this, but he figures he’ll let Cas lie about it once before he starts coaxing the truth out of him. He’s generous like that.

Cas looks up, and manages a weak smile. “Hello Dean,” he says, and despite the tiredness on his face, his voice is fond. “How’s Sam?”

“Mom’s taking care of him.” Dean takes a seat beside him, leans forward so there’s only a few inches between them, personal space be damned. They’ve just gotten Sam back from those uppity British nerds who call themselves Men of Letters. He took a bit of a beating, but Sam’s strong. He’ll be okay. And they’re together now, and that’s what matters most.

“Besides, I asked about you.”

Castiel shifts in his seat, uneasy. “I’m fine,” he says, and he’s so unconvincing that Dean almost laughs. Almost.

He’s too worried about Cas to find the humour in his complete inability to lie, though. The English Men (and Women) of Letters were dicks, yeah, but they knew their stuff. They must have suspected that Castiel would come with Dean on his rescue mission, because they were ready with some of the most advanced angel-proofing Dean had ever seen. Instead of sending Cas away, it just reduced him to a helpless mess on the floor. 

If it weren’t for his mom’s cool head and steady aim, Dean doesn’t think they would have made it out of there. 

But they did, and now they’re home, and they have a few moments of peace before everything catches up to them and it all goes sideways again. Dean’s not going to let this opportunity slip by. Not this time.

“Thank you for coming with us,” he says, catching Cas’ gaze. “I know they laid some major mojo on you, and you probably knew they would, but you came anyways. So, thank you.”

“Of course,” Cas replies, his sincerity slightly marred by the cough he tries and fails to suppress. “I wouldn’t let them keep hurting Sam.”

“I know.” And Dean does know. It’s one of the things he loves most about Cas, his reckless commitment to the safety of the brothers Winchester, no matter the cost to himself. It’s flattering. More than that, it’s downright humbling.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” he offers plainly. He doesn’t know what he can give to Cas right now. What Cas wants from him, or more than, what he needs. But Dean...he’ll do anything. Anything to prove to Cas once and for all that he’s valued, that he’s needed, that he’s important.

That he’s loved. 

“Do for me?” Cas asks, with that little head tilt that never fails to make Dean’s heart overflow with fondness for this strange creature, this angel-not-quite-angel, this man-not-quite-man. 

Dean shrugs. “Mom’s making soup,” he says. “Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

He wishes he had something like Castiel’s Grace, something he could use to soothe him, to heal him. But Dean’s only human, and he has limited options available to him. He thinks that maybe just offering is a good start, letting Castiel know that he’s there. 

“I’m tired,” Castiel admits, looking away. “It’s been difficult, these past few days.”

Dean snorts in agreement. “I’ll say.” 

First there was the end of that whole thing with the Darkness, Dean thinking he was going to die, having to say his final goodbyes and not being able to bring himself to finally tell Cas how he feels about him. Then finding out his mom was back, and getting back to the bunker and finding Cas there, but no Sam. Then all the planning and plotting and finally the actual rescue mission itself, and then getting home again. Dean’s tired too.

But more than that, he’s tired of tip-toeing around this thing between them. He’s pretty sure he’s not alone in this. He’s not an idiot, he’s watched the way Cas has looked at him over the years, and he imagines his own face makes similar expressions on a regular basis. But there’s never been a good time for either of them to just say it, so they’ve said it in a million other ways.

It’s quiet in the bunker now, and the words are crowding Dean’s mouth, threatening to spill over. He takes a deep breath, forces them down so he can pull them out more carefully. He wants to do this right.

“Do you need to sleep?” he asks. Cas doesn’t always sleep now that he has his Grace back, but sometimes he says he enjoys the sensation. Privately Dean thinks he just likes being comfortable and lazy, because who doesn’t? Besides, he’s adorable first thing in the morning, always slightly rumpled, grumpy and quiet until he has some coffee in him.

Cas lifts his shoulders slightly, and Dean takes that as a yes. “I don’t want to be alone,” he admits in a small voice, and Dean’s breath catches in his throat.

Maybe Cas is tired of tip-toeing around this as well. 

So, greatly daring, Dean stretches out a tentative hand and places it lightly on Cas’ shoulder. “Come on,” he says, squeezing it gently. 

Cas looks up at him, inquisitive, but whatever he sees on Dean’s face must reassure him, because he stands up willingly enough and follows Dean down the hallway. They pass the room Cas has claimed as his own, and he only hesitates for a second before following Dean further down the hall.

Dean opens the door to his room and guides Cas inside. His hands shake as he slowly unbuttons his plaid overshirt, but it’s not from nerves. There’s nothing to be nervous about. He’s just overwhelmed with the knowledge that they’re here, together, safe and alive. Dean feels so much that he can’t contain it. It's leaking out of him, causing him to tremble. 

Cas mimics him, stripping off his suit jacket, unbuttoning his crisp white shirt to reveal a thin cotton t-shirt below. He drops his hand to his belt buckle and hesitates, looking at Dean, like he isn’t quite sure what the correct procedure is. Dean smiles gently at him to let him know it’s alright, and Cas smiles back, his eyes going all crinkly around the corners.

Christ, Dean loves him so much. 

They’re down to boxers and t-shirts now, and some other time, Dean will take it all in, the sight of Cas so bare to his gaze. But tonight is about rest, about comfort, so he just pulls the covers back and slides into bed, patting the empty space beside him.

Cas follows suit, and Dean rolls over and switches off the lamp, leaving them in the darkness. He can hear Castiel’s steady breathing beside him, and it grounds Dean in the reality of the moment. 

Dean feels Cas shift slightly on the mattress beside him. He thinks he knows what Cas wants, and he takes the initiative on behalf of both of them, rolling closer and turning onto his side. He gently prods at Cas until he’s on his side as well, and then he presses in tightly against him, Dean’s chest to Cas’ back. He slips his arm around Cas’ waist, and Cas lets out a little sigh of contentment that send a chill down Dean’s spine, it’s so pure. 

They fall asleep like that, perfectly curled up together.

In the morning, Dean wakes flat on his back with an angel propped up on one elbow beside him, a fond smile on his face. Dean groans and turns his face away, hiding it in the pillow. “You watching me sleep again?” he mumbles.

There’s a cool hand on his face, turning it back to meet Cas’ gaze. “Yes,” Cas replies calmly. “I do not require as much rest as you do, so I woke first. I didn’t wish to disturb you.”

“Thanks,” Dean says, and he means it. It’s definitely later than he would normally sleep, but he can’t bring himself to care. He feels more rested than he has in years. 

“Do you know what today is?” Cas asks, still so casual, like they haven’t just spent the night wrapped in each other’s arms for the first time ever.

Dean thinks about it for a second. It’s September, he knows that much, and-- oh.

“It’s September 18th,” Cas continues, his eyes somehow both soft and bright. “The first day we met.”

Dean frowns at him. “Well, technically, we didn’t meet meet until a few days later,” he points out. 

Cas rolls his eyes at him and laughs. “Do you really want to argue semantics right now?”

“No,” Dean shakes his head.

Castiel’s expression turns serious. “What do you want?” He looks like he knows the answer to his own question, but he’s still worried about it anyways. 

Dean hesitates for a second. There are a lot of things he wants. He wants his mom to stay. He wants Sam to get better, maybe give Eileen a call, take her out for dinner. He wants Jody and Claire and Alex and Donna to all come for a visit, filling the bunker with their laughs and their chatter. 

He wants to wake up like this every morning. He wants to know what Cas’ bare skin feels like under his hands. He wants to learn what Cas sounds like when he comes. He wants to make Cas smile, to make him laugh. To make him stay.

But first--

“I want to kiss you,” Dean says.

So he does.

And Cas kisses him back.

And it’s like all the conversations they never had are resolved with that one press of their lips, like they’re telling each other everything they never worked up the courage to say until now. But they’ve both known it would end this way for awhile. How could it possibly go any differently?

Dean pulls back for a second, tries to get the words out, but Cas kisses him again before he has the chance, deeper this time. Dean can’t find it in himself to complain about the interruption. 

And when Castiel draws away, drops smaller kisses all over Dean’s face, murmurs phrases in Enochian into Dean’s ear, Dean smiles with the realization that they’ll keep having this conversation, again and again. 

He’ll never get tired of finding new ways to tell Castiel how much he loves him, or of hearing it from Cas in return.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little totally self-indulgent thing I wrote in honour of September 18th. No matter which day you count as the real first day that Dean and Cas met, we can all agree that it was A Big Deal, so here we are.
> 
> Title from the Jessie Ware song of the same name.


End file.
